Are expectations at fault?

My heart dropped when I heard there were to be fifteen Chinese divemasters doing the PADI Instructor Development Course with me. The Chinese are the largest growing dive market and so it makes sense that if you speak Chinese as an instructor you are worth your weight in gold… but… and… well… the Chinese have a pretty well deserved reputation for loud obnoxious behaviour and the thought of sharing a precious two weeks of learning time where I fear I won’t now be able to hear myself think fills me with dread. And before anyone gets all bent out of shape I do in fact think China is an amazing country and have met some truly lovely Chinese people, it is simply that in a country with so many inhabitants pushing, shoving and shouting seem to have become the norm for many and I am fearful a group of fifteen may be more than my concentration can handle while trying to learn. My Expectations were high.

Not that I have been particularly looking forward to it anyway, having wanted to get some experience diving somewhere else and been wowed by a first fabulous response to my IDC research email, it’s all been a bit meh since then. While I am definitely glad we came for the lovely diving my frustration with everything else has been getting the better of me. This morning four days out from the start of the IDC and reading through the original wonderfully informative email to check something, I see there is supposed to be a three day free prep course. The IDC starts on the 12th, it’s the 8th today, so I guess this free three day course is starting tomorrow and no one told me but it seems I misunderstood and the three days is included in the two weeks I had thought were the IDC. When other centres are offering two weeks plus I can’t help but feel that I messed up in my decision making process. You can achieve many things in a shorter time, getting a better education is simply not one of them. Were my expectations too high again? Perhaps.

Oh what a negative nelly I have become, grr boo argh hiss… with my expectations spiralling seemingly out of control I am feeling frustrated and fearful of the coming months. There are big changes afoot, we’ve been travelling for almost eighteen months and our funds are almost out and I need to get a job – which is after all why I have done my divemaster and am doing my IDC. I know this uncertainty, it’s a familiar one I’ve felt before when looking for a new job, as in the past I am confident that I will find a job; I’m awesome (stop laughing) committed, hard working and have some pretty great organisational and administrative experience backing me up, but just as in the past I’m not looking for any job, I’m looking for the right one and I am not sure how easy it will be for me to find a job in the type of dive shop and working environment I’ll excel in. Are my expectations too high in hoping to find one in which I can learn and contribute not just my labour but my ideas and enthusiasm too?

Sometimes I think it would be easier if I accepted everything as it was, lowered my expectations and made the most of whatever is in front of me but that feels a little too much like settling. And while I’m not planning on lowering my expecations any time soon I am certainly willing to work on my ability to make the most of whatever happens because (not even that deep down) I (the eternal optimist) do believe it will all turn out for the best Xx