Decisions decisions

It seems only a short while ago that I was talking to Kim and this crazy idea to go exploring SouthEast Asia was first verbalised…. jobs given up, home given up, blue – my trusty Fiat Punto sold just as we made it to 150,000 miles in our last week together. Exercise bike, TV, mirrors, cups, pots, pans and cutlery, bedding and towels and on and on, given, sold or donated to charity, the product of a lifetime of collecting and spending, the rest of it packed away in boxes.

And here we are in Thailand at the start of our adventures, of course that makes it all sound simple and painfree. Admittedly I have attempted, and to some degree succeeded, in only planning minimally; however that belies the hours and hours my mind has tortured itself with what we should be doing, what are we doing, why are we doing it, will we have enough money, how will we get from place to place, what will we do in each place, what will we do after, where will we live… until I manage to quiet the insanity and get on with the day in hand.

And our first week of days in hand has been as perfect as I could have hoped for. JHubz is the ideal traveling companion, laid back and easy going, supportive and fun. The first part of our trip labelled as holiday – as opposed to work? Ha! Ok fine it will all be holiday but this part has been put aside for unashamed relaxation, not a temple, museum or cultural site to be seen. A snorkel perhaps, once we’ve bought flippers, but nothing more arduous than that. But still I struggle to quiet my mind. You see I’ve never packed up my entire life before and it’s an interesting experience. My questions are endless. I don’t know why I don’t just give in and plan the whole trip to within an inch of it’s life. I am certainly capable of it. But NO! I want to let spontaneity rule, so I simply need to get a grip of my overactive mind and all will be well. Probably not such a simple task but when I have nothing more to worry about than putting factor 50 on my face I hope I can manage it.

Doing this has been a lifelong dream, it’s just that ‘doing this’ is so different from anything I’ve ever done. I’m devouring blogs from other travellers, some old, some young to get ideas and tips. I’m very clear I don’t want to get around like a twentysomething in the back of a pick up truck with 40 other twentysomethings crammed in like sardines nor do we want, or can afford, to do the whole trip in luxury. There must be a middle ground which I now need to find, which sets my mind off down another rabbit hole of questions until I manage to distract myself and calm returns.

Now all this might make it sound like I regret this decision and categorically I do not. I am overwhelmed with excitement to be here. But in choosing anything, you are giving something up. And although I never thought leaving would be easy, it is harder than I would have liked. I’ve always been a big baby, and in this instance I am simply being true to form. But I’ve never let my being a big baby stop me from doing anything nor do I intend to start now. Life can be scary and overwhelming, it can also be magical and awe inspiring, whichever it is, it is far too short for regrets and I do not intend to have any.

I have been lucky enough to find my self surrounded by wonderful friends, now, if as many of them as possible could come visit me that would be great Xx